Doomed love
by larutanrepuss
Summary: Baz and Simon's first time couldn't possibly go wrong, right? First kiss and more!
1. Chapter 1

_**A.N. Hey guys! I legit just finished reading Carry On this morning and I couldn't help but write a little SnowBaz fanfic! Although, I didn't really mean to, it sort of just happened. I had the idea for their first kiss, and then things just escalated really quickly and got way more sexual than I intended, but hey, who am I to complain? So anyway, enjoy! And pleaseee like, review and follow, it would mean the world to me! If you guys like it and want it, I could write a follow-up chapter! :)**_

BAZ

It's late and we're fighting. To be honest, I don't even know why we're fighting anymore. I think it has something to do with the Mage, but I could be wrong. All our fights are just sort of the same to me. They all start the same and they all end up with me wanting to kiss him.

I wish he'd stop talking. I wish he'd just go away.

It's becoming more and more difficult to control myself, to hold myself back. He keeps screaming and I keep looking at his red lips. How I wish I could just shut his pretty mouth with mine.

He's getting closer now and I take a few steps back.  
"Get back, Snow!" I shout.

"Why? Uh? What is it you'll do to me? Kill me?" He shouts back, getting even closer.

"Just go away." _Please, I can't do it anymore._  
He keeps shouting and pushing me. I wish I could just snap my fingers and disappear.

"Get back," I shout again, "or else –"

I didn't mean to say that last part, it sort of just came out. It seems to have triggered him even more and all I can see is his blue eyes frowning at me with such hate. He has this vein on the right side of his forehead, pumping blood, calling for me. Then there are his lips. Those beautiful red lips. The ones that hunt my dreams.

"Or else what?" He asks. "Just go ahead, I fucking dare you, Baz. I fucking dare you to do all the things you're thinking about right now!"

He doesn't need to ask me twice.

I grab his face and throw my lips against his. They're even hotter and softer than I had pictured in my head, and it feels like fire and ice finally colliding, merging into one element.

I think I expected him to push me away and punch me in the face or something, but he instead pushes me up against the wall and deepens the kiss and we're having a full on passionate make out session.

SIMON

I have no idea what I'm doing. I've never kissed a boy before.

Although, is Baz really a boy?

It's weird. No bad weird. More like, it's weird how I never knew how much I wanted this. How much I _needed_ this. We're kissing like we need it to live. Like Baz is air and letting him go would kill me.

I don't want to let him go. I don't mean like ever, I mean, I know we'll have to eventually stop sucking on each other's mouths to, like, eat, sleep and everything, but I don't even want to think about stopping kissing Baz.

BAZ

Simon's mouth tastes like cinnamon, I like it. It tastes just like he smells, actually.

I grab the back of his head and push our mouths even closer together, as if that was even possible. My hand rests in his golden curls and I can't believe this is happening. If only he knew how long I've waited for this. To be able to grip that hair, to suck on those bloody lips, to have him pining me against the wall.

I want more.

I _need_ more  
Also, he did tell me to do to him everything I was thinking about, and I have to say, I have a dirty mind when it comes to Simon Snow.

I stop kissing him all of a sudden and he looks at me with those lost puppy eyes, and I can't help but smile. It's more of an evil smile actually. If he only knew all the things I was about to do to him, he wouldn't be looking at me like that.

"Baz-" he starts saying.

"Hush Snow, don't ruin it." I whisper in his ear before pushing him on his bed and jumping on top of him.

I've dreamt about being in this position so many times before and I can't believe it's actually happening. Simon Snow is mine to play with. I can do everything. I _will_ do everything.

I lock my eyes to his, still smirking and I catch a glimpse of terror in those blue eyes of his.

"What are you doing?" he asks in a voice that's missing his usual confidence.

I stop smiling. I'm afraid I've gone too far. I mean, who am I kidding, why would Simon want me? I was just so cut up in the moment, in my own desire, that I forgot he might not want the same thing.

"I- uh, you told me to…" I mumble.

He did tell me to do everything I was thinking, but he thought it meant hurting him.

I couldn't get myself to hurt him, not really, not after this.

"Right," he said, thinking about it for a brief second, "don't stop."

I feel this pressure inside my chest, like my whole inside is on fire. I guess that's how it feels to be in love.

I also feel this pressure inside my jeans, but I know exactly the reason behind that.

Once again, I throw my mouth to his, pressing and moving my lips and tongue in ways I didn't know existed. I leave his mouth after a moment to move on to his neck. I don't know how many times I stared at his neck with burning desire. Sure, half the time I wanted to bite him, but those moles of his were my weakness and I dreamed one too many times about kissing each and everyone of them. They're all aligned into this sort of weird constellation and the more I'm looking at them, the more it feels like the constellation is showing me the way, like it's pointing in a specific direction. Like it wants me to go lower.

I start to unbutton his shirt and all I can hear is Simon's moans. All I can feel is his burning body against my cold skin. I feel my zipper ready to burst open at any moment.

I can't wait any longer. I tear apart his shirt and buttons go flying everywhere.

"Sorry." I say and he moans in response, which only encourages me to keep going.

I lay a trail of kisses on his stomach, making my way to his waist, making sure I kiss every inch of skin along the way.

I start kissing at the base of his jeans before looking up to meet his eyes. Crowley, he's so beautiful.

I guess he read my mind, because he gives me a silent nod before he jerks his head back.

SIMON

I've never had a blow job before. I mean, I have _some_ experience with Agatha, but it was mostly over the clothes stuff.

This thing with Baz is definitely under the clothes stuff. It's way more sexual and passionate.

I feel my whole body tensing up, burning with desire.

And then I realize I'm literally burning up, like I'm about to go off any moment.

BAZ

He's glowing. Literally glowing. There's magic bursting out of every pore.

I stop and look at him.

"Fuck, Snow, I'm sorry!" I burst.

"Baz…" he says. It comes out as a whisper. Actually, I might have imagined him saying it.

He's shaking, he might be crying. I know I am.

I can't stand looking at him like this, I wish I could do something, make him stop.

I throw myself at him, holding him so tight, trying to make the shaking stop.

"Don't," he says, "I'll hurt you!"

"I don't care." I say, holding him even tighter./

I feel his magic burning my skin and I can't help but think, _Simon Snow was always going to be the death of me, but why does it have to be while I'm giving him a fucking blow job?_

I mean, our love was pretty much doomed before it even started. I'm a vampire, he's the chosen one, there was never a scenario where we'd both get out of this alive. I just wish I had more time. I wish we could've loved each other a little longer. I wish we could've made love without killing each other. I wish I could save Simon Snow.

SIMON

I don't know how much time has passed, but I eventually stopped glowing. I'm still shaking and Baz is still holding me tight in his arms, caressing my hair with his hand.

I am so tired, but I don't want to sleep. I don't want to wake up in the morning with Baz gone. I just want to stay in his arms forever, just like this.

"Baz…" I say with a tired and trembling voice.

"Shh," he says, "it's okay, I got you."

"No, Baz, I…"

It's hard to talk, I am so tired.

"I don't want to act like it never happened…" I finally say.

I feel him looking at me. "What? Like you didn't almost just explode?"

"No.. I mean _us,_ I don't want you to act like it didn't happen… Like it didn't mean anything."

There's a moment of silence and then he squeezes me tighter. "I won't."

"You promise?"

My eyes are closing, I can't stay awake any longer.

BAZ

Simon fell asleep in my arms, his head resting on my chest. I feel his hot breath on my skin and I can't stop staring at his beautiful face. It's a good thing I can see in the dark, because I can stare at each and everyone of his freckles while letting him sleep peacefully. I can't help but smile.

"I promise, my love."


	2. Chapter 2

_**A.N. Heyyy! Turns out I still had things to add to this story :) I will write another chapter after this one, but I don't know yet if I'll stop after three or if I'll make this a longer fic… Anyway, hope you'll enjoy and, as always, like, follow and tell me what you thought in the review section!**_

 **SIMON**

I feel weird waking up. Like I'm cold and empty and like someone hit me so hard on the head that I forgot who or where I am.

I slowly open my eyes and find myself somewhat unarmed and in my bed. I take a look around the bedroom and see that Baz isn't in his bed, which isn't unusual at all. Although, I don't know why, but the fact that Baz isn't here feels weird all of a sudden. Like, _this time_ he was actually supposed to be here.

And then it hits me.

 _Baz._

 _Baz and me._

Was it only just a dream?

I mean, it _has_ to be a dream.

Baz couldn't have possibly done all those things to me last night, but everything he said, everything he did – or I imagined he did – seem so vivid.

Him kissing me, me pining him against the wall, him touching every inch of my body, me going off while he was - .

It's impossible.

It can't.

He wouldn't have.

I take a look at my watch and realize I'm almost late for breakfast. I quickly put clothes on and get down to the dining hall.

Penny's already there when I arrive at our usual table. She's reading an old book that has to be at least 5000 pages long.

I sit down in front of her and she looks up to meet my eyes after a moment.

"You look terrible Simon, are you okay?" she asks.

"Yeah, no, I mean, yeah, it's just a bad dream, don't worry about it." I say, trying to give her the best fake smile I got.

"The Humdrum?" she asks, clearly concerned.

"No.. No, it was –" I start saying when someone comes up behind me and softly brushes its hand against my back. I look up and see Baz.

"What's up losers?" he says playfully as he sits down beside me.

I feel my heart ready to burst out of my chest at any moment. I can't breathe nor blink, I just stare at him and freak out inside.

"What do you want, Baz?" asks Penny with an annoyed voice.

"Oh, I don't know, I just - " he starts to say before he subtly looks under the table and puts a hand on my thigh, making his way slowly from my knee to behind my legs. I gasp way louder than I intended to and I see a smile barely forming on his lips. "I just wanted to see if any of you had an extra copy of that book we needed to get for first period, I forgot mine."

"Why the hell would we have an extra book for?" Penny asks, not noticing in the slightest what was going on right in front of her.

Baz looked up from under the table t meet her eyes. "Because you're you?" he says mockingly.

"Well, we don't. I'm sure there are plenty left at the library." She says, not bothering to react to his previous comment.

"Right," he says before looking at me for the first time, "I'm gonna go to the library then." He gives my thigh one last squeeze that makes me shiver all the way up my spine before he gets up. "Goodbye Simon." He says with what could be interpreted as an evil smile. I mean, if anyone would've asked me two days ago, I would've said it was purely evil, but I know better now. "Penny." He says giving her a nod. I follow him with my eyes until he's out of sight.

Penny got back to her reading as soon as Baz left.

"What was that all about?" she asks, not even looking up.

I am still in shock of what just happened. Actually, I'm still 90% sure I'm still sleeping and this is still part of my dream. Although, I don't know if it's possible to be aware that you're in a dream when you are. I mean, when you're dreaming, your mind just goes along with whatever it is you're dreaming about and it thinks it's real life without questioning it. So I think hat the fact that I can think for myself right now is proof that I am indeed awake and Baz grabbing my thigh under the table really happened.

"Simon!" Penny says.

"Wha-what?" I say, more confused than ever.

"What's with you?" She says looking at me with concern.

"Hm, what? Nothing! I, um, I was just thinking about ( _Baz!_ ), the, hum… the book! For class! I forgot about it too. I should, um.. I should go to the library before first period."

"Alright," she says shrugging, "see you in class!"

I get up way too quickly and make all my stuff go spread all over the floor. A few people turn around to stare at me as I pick up everything as quickly as possible and get out of the dining hall before Penny has the chance to ask me again if I'm okay.

I run up the endless staircases two stairs at the time and turn in every long and dark corridor. I'm running as fast as I physically can and I'm almost out of breath when I see him. Tall and handsome as ever, slowly walking at the end of the corridor, taking way more time than necessary to get to the library, as if he'd been waiting for me to catch up.

 **BAZ**

I've been making my way to the library as slowly as humanly possible, no pun intended, hoping Simon would somehow show up.

Maybe he's freaked out. Maybe I shouldn't have rubbed his thigh like I did, although it didn't seem like he wanted me to stop anytime soon if I wasn't mistaken by the hard member between his legs.

Maybe he's not ready to be with me, and I totally understand. Who would want me for a boyfriend?

I'm so close to giving up waiting for him, and forgetting about the library altogether (I've had the book for weeks, actually. I just needed an excuse to get close to him without raising any suspicions), when I finally see him running towards me at the other end of the corridor. He stops when he sees me.

I step up my pace to get to the library and make my way through the rows of bookshelves. I stop, pretending to look for a particular book and I can feel him looking at me, hiding not so subtly behind a bookshelf.

"I can see you, Snow." I say, not even turning my head.

I see him from the corner of my eye slowly stepping out from behind the bookshelf. He just stands there for a moment, studying me.

"What?" I say, turning my head before he rapidly walks towards me and grabs my hand. He pulls me through rows of bookshelves until we get to a dark and dusty corner of the library, where he pins me up against the wall.

I smile. "Back at it with the pinning against the wall? I - "

"So it was real?" he interrupts and I can hear a bit of relief in his voice.

"What was?" I ask.

"What happened yesterday, it wasn't a dream?" he says carefully.

I can't help but smile, he's so damn cute when he's embarrassed. "I sure hope not!" I say, taking my hand up to caress his beautiful golden hair.

We just look at each other for a moment, my eyes locked to his. I could seriously stay like this forever, playing with Simon's hair while staring in those deep blue eyes of his.

He then leans in and kisses me.

It's so much different from our kisses last night. They were fast and full of angry passion, full of feelings that had been hiding for too long and that finally got out. We were kissing like it was the first and the last time it would ever happen. Part of me really thought it would be the only time. Surely I was wrong, and I've never liked being wrong that much in my life.

Simon has both his hands on my hips as he presses his body against mine. My hands are lying on each side of his face as I kiss him so gently and carefully. It doesn't feel rushed anymore. Like we can actually take our time to get it right.

He stops after a rather long make out session and he places his hands on my chest.

"We should go," he says, "we're already late."

"Who cares?" I ask as I lean down to kiss him again.

He breaks apart laughing. "Come on." he says, smiling brighter than I would've thought possible.

I can't help but smile too as I follow him closely out of the library.

I'm the one who did it, I'm the one who made Simon Snow smile like that.

 **SIMON**

We're late. We're very late. Like half an hour late.

I really didn't see time fly that fast.

I try to walk as fast as possible, but I'm always slowed down by the need to check up behind me every other second to see if Baz is still following me. Every time I turn around, his face breaks into a smile, and every time it does, I feel fire burning in my chest. I've never felt that way before. It's warm and comforting and exciting and very, very powerful. I hope it never goes away.

We eventually get to the classroom, but the class has obviously started a long time ago.

We stand side by side in the doorway as the Professor stops his lecture and everybody turn to stare at us.

"Mr. Snow and Mr. Grimm-Pitch, how nice of you to join us!" the Professor says as I lower my head and somehow try to hide myself inside my shoulders as I hurry to sit at my usual spot beside Penny. I see Baz walking with his head held high like he owns the place and he sits at an empty desk behind me.

The Professor moves on with his lecture as soon as we sit.

"Where the Hell have you been?" whispers Penny.

"What? I was at the library!" I say, overly defensive.

"Yeah, that was like, 45 minutes ago!" she says, frowning.

I struggle to come up with a good excuse when someone answers for me.

"Yeah, well, you know how Snow gets when I'm around," Baz leans in from behind to join the conversation, "he was probably hiding behind shelves to see if I'm plotting." He winks at me and I'm afraid Penny might have cut that. She just rolls her eyes at me, probably believing that story as two days ago it would've been 100% probable, and gets back to listening to the Professor. I keep staring at Baz over my shoulder as he smiles and leans back into his chair.

I don't know how to act around him anymore. I mean, I know we're in class and it's not like it would be appropriate for me to jump over his desk and kiss him all over his body, but in general I mean. I don't know if all of this means we're boyfriends, if we'll be sleeping in the same bed from now on or if it would be acceptable for me to hold his hand in public. I don't know if he wants to keep whatever this relationship is private or not. As of me, I probably should care about what people would say about me, about us, but I really don't. I want everybody to know how in love I am with this tall, handsome, out of this world good-looking guy.

I shyly smile back at him before turning my head back to half listen to the Professor, half think about all we will be doing tonight.


End file.
